I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize