I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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