You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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