I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a blender
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize