before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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