Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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