Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
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I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
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we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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