And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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