Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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