3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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