around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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