just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
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A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
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I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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