one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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