Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
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I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
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Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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