I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize