so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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