i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
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I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
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I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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