hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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