I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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