I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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