Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize