I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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