I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
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So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
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Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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