I'm drive I can fine osifer
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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