Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
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Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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