I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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