you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
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Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
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I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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