A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize