Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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