please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
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thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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