Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize