After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
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Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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