Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
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It's never too late to be topless.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
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He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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