Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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