Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
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I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
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I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize