Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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