We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
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On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
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Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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