I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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