dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize