Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize