She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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