Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
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The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
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We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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