I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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