i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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