I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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