FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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