I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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