Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize