i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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