i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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